


when will my reflection show

by DistantShenanigans



Series: Gang AU 'Verse [3]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Body Dysphoria, Dysphoria, Gen, Gender Dysphoria, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, major description of dysphoria
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-22
Updated: 2016-03-22
Packaged: 2018-05-28 08:13:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6321817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DistantShenanigans/pseuds/DistantShenanigans
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>“I'm... I'm broken, right?” She asked, “I have to be.” Rex shook his head.<br/>“I don't think so. Have you heard the word transgender before?” He asked.</i>
</p><p>Or: Waxer figures some things out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	when will my reflection show

**Author's Note:**

> This is **Pre-Mama** , a few months after Anakin joined the Imps' gang.
> 
> I'm supposed to be working on the next chapter of Mama but instead I'm giving you this. This is important to know: the dysphoria described in this is similar ( _similar_ , not 100% the same) to my own, because I don't know how others experience their own dysphoria. **Everyone has different dysphoria levels.** Because of that, this cannot be 100% accurate to everyone's feelings.
> 
> Even so, if you're afraid it may upset/trigger you, **do not read this**. I want **your health** put above reading this one-shot.

It had been a while since Winnie Fett had started feeling like she thought differently from the other girls in her class. It had been a little longer since she decided she didn't like wearing her dresses or skirts anymore, and a little less since she felt uncomfortable with hearing her name, clinging to her childhood nickname more and more, even in introducing herself to others.

She didn't know what was wrong, but when the women in her life spoke about getting married and having babies, she felt sick at the thought of carrying a baby. It was strange, since she had always wanted kids, and still did. She felt uncomfortable in her bathing suit, and in her lace, and even in her underwear.

It was worse when she got her period.

She _hated_ it, more than she ever had before. She got snappy with her brothers, and fought with her father, something she had never done before. When Cody got mad enough and snapped _take a fucking midol_ at her, she actually threw her book at him. He had a large bruise on his temple for a week, before it completely faded away. She was still sure he was mad about it, too.

What really got her attention was when she was in the bathroom, with a pocket knife in her hand, staring at her naked reflection in the mirror, eyes locked her breasts. When one of her brothers banged on the door, demanding she hurry up and shower, she snapped out of it and dropped her knife into the sink.

She showered quickly and ran to the confines of her room. She locked the door and pulled on her new favorite shirt (Wolffe's old grease-stained tee he let her have), and hugged herself as her wet hair laid across her shoulders. She skipped dinner, sniffling and wiping her eyes. Unsure of where to turn, she went to Cody's new friend, Rex.

“I need help.” She said as she sat on the swing in the park. Rex was in the swing next to her, a frown on his face.

“Shouldn't you go to your dad?” He asked. She shook her head, eyes watering.

“I can't. He'll... He'll think I'm broken, or something. And... I think I am.” She said.

“What? Did you break a bone?” Rex asked, raising an eyebrow in amusement.

“You have to swear to not say anything to anyone, especially not my brothers or dad.” She answered. Rex frowned again.

“I swear. Not to anyone.” He swore.

“I wanted to cut my boobs off yesterday.” She said quietly, staring at her lap as the tears fell. It was quiet a moment.

“Tell me everything.” Rex said gently, worried. So she did. She told him about everything she felt until she cried herself to sleep last night.

“I'm... I'm broken, right?” She asked, “I have to be.” Rex shook his head.

“I don't think so. Have you heard the word transgender before?” He asked.

“No. What is it?” She asked.

“It means your gender doesn't match your body. Like, someone with a penis will say they're a girl and so they're a girl.” Winnie frowned at his words.

“Like, drag queens?” She asked.

“No, that's different. Those are guys who pretend to be girls for money or whatever.” He explained, “But like, how would you feel if I called you he?” The question startled her.

“What?”

“Wait here.” Rex said, before flagging someone over. An older boy approached, seeing Rex waving at him.

“Hello Rex.” The boy said, smiling.

“Hey Ben. This is my friend. His name is Waxer.” Rex said. The boy, Ben, nodded.

“It's nice to meet you Waxer.” Ben said, smiling. Winnie nodded, throat too tight to let her answer him.

“Thanks, Ben, you served your purpose.” Rex said, shoving at Ben a bit. “I'll see you on Monday.” Ben shrugged, nodded, and walked off. Rex looked at Winnie. “So, how'd it feel? It felt good, right?”

She began crying, nodding.

“What now?” She whispered. Rex shrugged.

“Take it a step at a time. I'll talk to Ben and tell him not to say anything to Cody, that you're trying to figure things out. He'll understand.” Rex said, “That way, when you're ready, you can tell them yourself.” She nodded.

“Thanks...” She murmured, staring at her lap again.

“No problem.” Rex got up and stretched. “I have to get home. You gonna be okay?” Winnie shrugged, staring at her lap still. Rex sighed, “Alright, well... I'll see you Monday.” Winnie didn't move for a while, just reflecting on things. The more she thought about it, the more she understood, the more she knew it was true.

She finally understood.

She wasn't a girl. She probably never had been.

She wasn't broken.

She was a he, and you know what?

He felt better already.

 

**Author's Note:**

> *Title is from the song Reflection from Mulan
> 
> Disclaimer: I obviously own nothing and just playing in the kiddy pool.


End file.
